your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
