I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
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Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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