Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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