mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
