i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
