I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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