My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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