Sponge bath it is.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
