also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
