I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
