god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
