I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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