i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
