I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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