tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
