Soap is not a condiment
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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