My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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