I think I died a long time ago.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
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Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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