It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Even my vagina gasped.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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