Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
