I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
