summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
