Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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