I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
