Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
