Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
