just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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