Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
