i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
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EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize