I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
