Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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