If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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