Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
