awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
