why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
