Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize