I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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