Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All the doctor said was why
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
