genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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