I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
