i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
