I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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