That's intense
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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