when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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