White coat. Heels.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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