im drinking this country out of the recession.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
