As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
