I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
