Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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