on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
