She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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