Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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