I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
50% drunk capacity currently
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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