The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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