The maid of honor just puked.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
