Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
