My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
okay pat passed out under dana's car
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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