my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
