The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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