dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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