Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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