I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
