Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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