well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
