I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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