okay pat passed out under dana's car
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
