You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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