Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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