Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
