Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
