I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
