Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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