my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
