I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
