I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
