I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
