i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
