They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
3 2 1 whiskey
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
