Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
