So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
