Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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