He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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